SO why the major hangup with naming a blog? Maybe because I do not really know what the goal of this is going to be. I keep another blog for my little boy that was started during my pregnancy when 8 little words ("We think there's a problem with the baby.") changed my life forever. That blog became a support system and a way to share news that we just didnt have the energy to repeat time and time again. Starting this new blog was a decision I made for me and only me. I lost something over the course of the past few years, and I am looking for me again. Please dont get me wrong! I am not hopeless, drowning in a sea of despair. I am happy and fulfilled and incredibly blessed with all that I have. But I cannot shake the feeling that there is still just that little something somewhere that I am missing. Maybe this is the problem with naming the silly blog - - I cannot even explain in a paragraph what it is that I am feeling or in search of.
So how did I finally manage to find a name? And am I satisfied with said title? ..."Hopeful" because I am! Even if I have lost something of me over the years, the one thing I have gained (and gained in abundance) is hope and faith that everything is as it should be. I am so happy that I have learned that through everything. And "Homeward Bound" from one of the lessons I learned while recently reading Eat Pray Love. I wish I had the book here with me so that I could explain more completely, but basically her point was that everyone is searching for something - - their Home, if you will - - and that search is completely natural and normal and necessary! I have spent so much time internally debating whether I have a right to feel like something is missing and to dedicate time to searching for that thing. Elizabeth Gilbert put those thoughts to rest with her simple passage about finding herself homeward bound and what she had learned on her journey. So, I am completely satisfied with this name despite the time and energy put into searching just for that. Everything for a reason I suppose.
And I believe that the overall purpose for this space right now is solely for me to have an outlet - - a place to unload and brainstorm and hopefully discover. I have always thought better in writing than talking. I tried keeping a journal earlier this year (yet another failed New Years resolution!). Plus there is just too much internal conflict right now for me to have any kind of productive "real" conversation with anyone. So this will be my space to discuss with myself and my imaginary audience. I am not going to advertise this blog the way I push our Gumdrop blog on people. Different purposes here.
So, with hope and high expectations, let this journey begin! We will have to see where it takes us!
